Dear Shatabdi
I should congs you for having taken the courage to queery this on this forum, beleive or not you have taken the first great step t your Recovery!!!! Welldone.
A problem/need well defined by he person concerned is a problem half solved. The emotional attributes you have indicated, i.e, feeling bad, getting angry, wanting to cry and hating self are strong indicators of someone in need of support, help to understand why they are feeling so, what are the possible causes in them and outside them, and the best way of control back of these feelings of despair and helplessness.
-I will suggest one piece work you need to take on---now , soon rather than later.
Take these feelings and thoughts about yourself or others or situatons as passangers in a bus you have been direcetd to drive to a particular place.
The destanation of this bus is a place where your desired need in life is placed hence you have to do it anyway.
The passangers are constantly disturbing you and distructing you from concetrating on your directives and aim to get there.
I want you to categorise them in order of strength and importance.
Choos e one that you wishe to start with and why.
Rememeber some of your views and petceptions of thers could be false and exagerated but real to you, we cannot underplay them, so just postion them the way you feel bout them.
As\you do this exercise rememeber you are the BOSS, of your\life, the bad and good starts and ends in you others are just specators sometimes facilators regardless of what they are to you!!!!!
So all the answers and questions should be asked about you and not your fience , freind , sibling or parents but YOU.
GET BACK TO ME AFTER THHIS EXERCISE.
BEst of luck.
